If my car is dirty, and I spend the afternoon giving it a thorough detailing, do I call myself selfless? Do I argue that the car received the entire benefit of the work, and all I got was sweaty and tired?
Well, of course I don't. The car is my property. It can't receive any benefit at all. All the benefit goes to me. I feel better because my car looks better.
When something good happens to someone you love, do you not benefit? Do you not become happier whenever a person you love becomes happier?
Well, of course you do.
The only way you can be selfless toward one you love is to provide a benefit in a way that hurts you-- that causes you enough pain to outweigh the pleasure you feel from the help you give. That would take some kind of pain, wouldn't it?
Not even give your life to save your love's life would do it. Wouldn't you still feel, as you died, that the trade was worth it?
Even the ultimate self-sacrifice isn't necessarily a selfless act.
And of course a person worthy of your love would actually be hurt by the kind of bizarre behavior that would truly qualify as selfless. Prostrating yourself across a cold, muddy puddle so your love doesn't have to step around it? Selfless; you're uncomfortable for the rest of the day, and your love gains essentially nothing. Robbing a gas station so you can give your love $23 and a candy bar? That would be selfless. You go to jail for a year, your love gets to go see a movie.
I don't believe you could love the sort of person who would let you be selfless. And by definition, that sort of person can't love you back. Hardly the basis of a good relationship.
no subject
Well, of course I don't. The car is my property. It can't receive any benefit at all. All the benefit goes to me. I feel better because my car looks better.
When something good happens to someone you love, do you not benefit? Do you not become happier whenever a person you love becomes happier?
Well, of course you do.
The only way you can be selfless toward one you love is to provide a benefit in a way that hurts you-- that causes you enough pain to outweigh the pleasure you feel from the help you give. That would take some kind of pain, wouldn't it?
Not even give your life to save your love's life would do it. Wouldn't you still feel, as you died, that the trade was worth it?
Even the ultimate self-sacrifice isn't necessarily a selfless act.
And of course a person worthy of your love would actually be hurt by the kind of bizarre behavior that would truly qualify as selfless. Prostrating yourself across a cold, muddy puddle so your love doesn't have to step around it? Selfless; you're uncomfortable for the rest of the day, and your love gains essentially nothing. Robbing a gas station so you can give your love $23 and a candy bar? That would be selfless. You go to jail for a year, your love gets to go see a movie.
I don't believe you could love the sort of person who would let you be selfless. And by definition, that sort of person can't love you back. Hardly the basis of a good relationship.
. png