It is my belief that when we cannot accept kindness without suspicious, we damage the world. We make it a place where neutrality is the best we can hope for. It is true that there are dangerous people in the world who will manipulate with "niceness", but I think our instincts give us a trustworthy ability to recognize them *if* we are not so focussed on mistrusting everyone that we over-ride them.
Gavin De'Becker has a several good books on this. "The Gift of Fear" is the first, I think. As an example, he talks about how we teach our children not to talk to strangers. But if they *do* get separated from us, they will need to do exactly that. How much better for them to trust their instincts and *choose* who they walk up to for help, than stand there like a wounded bird until a predator chooses them. I can't recommend his books enough. As another example, he talks about how the woman who is constantly afraid will get into a lonely elevator with a man who makes her nervous because she's so used to ignoring constant fear to move through the world.
My (2.5 y.o.) daughter gets the same kind of attention you describe, and her Mama, who is not a particularly trusting person, chooses to allow it. She wants Jasper to believe the world is basically safe. On the other hand, if a seemingly kind person in the store causes Jasper to cling and pull back, we pick her up into our arms and walk away without guilt. (Likewise if *we* don't trust them.) We want her to trust her gut, not "social rules" that protect the predators that know how to use them.
Trust your instincts.
Gavin De'Becker has a several good books on this. "The Gift of Fear" is the first, I think. As an example, he talks about how we teach our children not to talk to strangers. But if they *do* get separated from us, they will need to do exactly that. How much better for them to trust their instincts and *choose* who they walk up to for help, than stand there like a wounded bird until a predator chooses them. I can't recommend his books enough. As another example, he talks about how the woman who is constantly afraid will get into a lonely elevator with a man who makes her nervous because she's so used to ignoring constant fear to move through the world.
My (2.5 y.o.) daughter gets the same kind of attention you describe, and her Mama, who is not a particularly trusting person, chooses to allow it. She wants Jasper to believe the world is basically safe. On the other hand, if a seemingly kind person in the store causes Jasper to cling and pull back, we pick her up into our arms and walk away without guilt. (Likewise if *we* don't trust them.) We want her to trust her gut, not "social rules" that protect the predators that know how to use them.
Good job trusting yours.